An extract from my old journal-Mathematics of Pain

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In this poem, I explore the profound ache of a soul searching for identity, peace, and home. Beyond merely capturing the grief of heartbreak, I delve into the spiritual displacement that occurs when we seek love in places God never intended, mapping the brokenness of a spirit scattered by past hurts and ungodly attachments. I wanted to capture that pivotal, Spirit-led turning point when a believer stops surrendering their heart to idolized relationships and begins the process of biblical restoration.

Through rhythm, repetition, and raw, honest reflection, I hope to resonate with anyone who has ever felt their soul fragmented by the world. For me, this longing was forged in years of painful relationships, during which I surrendered parts of my God-given worth to the wrong people. Looking back on this poem through the lens of faith, I see three key spiritual shifts:

Restoration through Christ (Psalm 23:3): recognizing that no human relationship can fully restore a broken soul. True wholeness doesn’t come from finding “the right person” but from yielding to the Gentle Shepherd who restores the soul and makes all things new.

Reclaiming sacred boundaries (1 Corinthians 6:19–20): moving from spiritual fatigue to actively reclaiming the parts of my heart and mind I gave away, recognizing that my soul is a temple of the Holy Spirit and worthy of protection.

Breaking ungodly ties (2 Corinthians 5:17): confronting the abusive and deceitful figures from my past directly, not to seek their validation, but to renounce their hold on my story and to hand judgment over to God so I can walk in freedom.

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Yearning 

I keep giving myself away, piece by piece,
Yearning for love, yet finding no peace.
My soul knows best; it pleads for rest,
But I’m lost in longing, feeling dispossessed.

Stop. I’m taking back my scattered parts,
Awaiting a love that won’t tear me apart.
A love that sees me, whole and true-
Have you seen my soul? It’s missing too.

My soul, what shattered you so?
I last left you at the crossroads of Woe,
In the corner marked “Longing for Love,”
Where strangers’ faces fit like gloves.

Mr. Abuser, is my soul with you?
Or you, Mr. Cheater, could it be true?
Can someone, anyone, help me find
These pieces left jagged, lost in time?

I call my soul from East to West,
From North to South, I demand no less.
Return what’s mine, your passions wild,
Release my soul, untouched, undefiled.

Wait. A voice whispers, soft and slow,
“Are you ready to be whole?”
Could it be true, a soul anew;
Free from shadows, bright and true?

(c) 2016

Thanks for reading! 😊